Perhaps it is that I'm "advanced maternal age" this time, or maybe it is because this pregnancy is on the heels of a miscarriage....or maybe it is just a clearer view of the blessing within - but I'm finding myself PARANOID this time around. Today was my second prenatal appointment. I was worried they wouldn't find a heartbeat. This isn't a rational thought based on any sort of facts - just a purely neurotic unnecessary worry that contradicts my faith.

After a TON of paperwork (didn't we already cover that last visit?) the Dr. entered the room to discuss a few things. He wanted to know how I wanted to deliver this one. I've had one vaginal delivery and one via c-section. To the nurse's surprise, I do NOT want another c-section if I can help it. Comparing the two births - no way would I want that surgery again. But I am also reasonable - if as I progress - things point toward that - then I'll definitely take my Dr.'s recommendation.

He then measured me at 17 wks (I am actually 14 wks, 2 days today)....but I'm pretty sure I remember measuring "big" with my last two also....and then leveled off at a certain point. But you know - can't help but get my hopes up that maybe - just MAYBE I'm farther along than they think. ha. And then the moment I'd been worrying about....time to find the heartbeat.

I'm NOT skinny....and the baby is still a tiny peanut...so I was prepared that he'd have to fish around awhile to find a heartbeat....during which I imagined worrying and fretting the whole time. But - just as amazing as the sound emerging from within, the second he dropped the doppler on my stomach, a strong and GLORIOUSLY MIRACULOUS heartbeat was heard. SHWEW! And then I giggled uncontrollably because how can you do anything but cry or giggle at the sheer beauty of that sound? That healthy and reassuring sound that the life inside of me is not only real, but doing well.....and that I have been blessed beyond anything I ever thought I deserved. Thank you, God!